Only fooling

That’s just…

I wrote an entire entry. It was 500 words. Full of thoughts and important things that I felt good about just letting out. Then, because I changed the post title, it was destroyed. I got an error message from WordPress in trying to post it. I hit the back button and found it gone. I wrote about feeling like I don’t belong in the country I live in. That I want to write, but I feel like I can’t. I’m sitting here crying because I feel stolen from. I feel stupid that I didn’t copy the text or save it somehow. I have laundry to do, and now I’m wasting time trying to get back what I wrote, but I don’t want to try.

I hate computers. They make you think that everything is all right. As many times as I have been saved by the auto-save function, it’s screwed me over by not doing its job and letting me go on thinking it’s there.

It’s painful to lose so much. I wrote things that… Geezalou, I’ll never even tell anyone any of that. It’s not important enough to bring up in a conversation, and… I hate wasting time more than anything. And I just did that. I wasted an hour now.

Why is everything able to defeat me? I can’t do the simplest things. Instead of a nice post about what I was thinking, and things that are worrying me, I have this hateful post that has stolen even more time from me. I’m not pensive anymore. I’m upset. I don’t dare change the post title to reflect what I’m thinking now.

There’s no way I can get back what I wrote. I don’t remember it. That’s why we save things. So we can remember them. And I don’t have the mood I had. I was refreshed when I finished. Now I’m just… Twisted up inside.

This stuff keeps happening with WordPress. If it keeps up, I’m moving to blogspot.


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