Listening to: “Change for Yourself” – Alex Goot
Heh, that could be a good title. A Curious Nature. Maybe I’ll use it for the Order of the Kite. It suits them.
It also suits what I’m thinking about. People can be amazingly petty about things. They fling blame and they work themselves up into thinking that they’re championing a cause, just because someone cut them off on the road, or disagreed with them at work or on a forum. I had a friend whose website was the subject of a DDoS attack because he wouldn’t let a troll be a forum mod. Another had to move from livejournal to a different blog site because her opinions were unpopular.
That kind of thing has happened to me a lot, and I’m pretty much done with putting up with it. I’ve had friends who have started fights over mystifyingly small things that I wasn’t even aware would cause a problem. More often than not, when one of us realised that the source of the problem was pettifogging, the party at fault would expend massive amounts of energy to make me feel as though all blame was on me. The phrase, “You shouldn’t have done that,” and any of its relatives should not be a familiar foe in a healthy relationship.
I’ve never been struck by a significant other, friend, or family member. But I’ve been in some incredibly abusive relationships. It took me years to realise that every person I felt guilty for leaving behind, was someone I had run away from to safe myself. Emotional abuse can be tricky.
No one says it enough, but I think a blog where a total nobody opines blindly and without much thought of consequence is a good place to make a certain statement. If someone dislikes or puts down something you like, that person does not dislike or think poorly of you.
I want to say that it’s dumb to want to say that. To think I need to. But it probably isn’t. I’ve talked about being done with eggshells, and I still get into arguments where I am on the other side. Sure, I could justify it by saying that when it happened, it really sounded like I was the one being put down. But that’s not any more fair than someone else saying it in any other situation. It’s only fair when someone actually says, “Only stupid people like this,” or whatever.
Maybe it’s a throwback to when I was friends with some really crappy writers, but so-called creative types are the worst when it comes to this stuff. Beware collaborators. Rewriting a bad section can get you yelled at, especially if you admit that you rewrote it because it was: a) out of character or context, b) just plain bad. Some writers can’t take feedback that isn’t gushing or a small positive comment.
On that note, I’d really like to point out that after I ranted about His Robot Girlfriend, the author commented on my blog with a neutral, adult response. I may not have liked his story, but I can appreciate him as a professional. I do not often have a chance to say that.