Backing down to focus

Listening to: “Boy Wonder” – I Am Jen

After giving it a lot of thought, discussing it a good deal with my better half, and trying to continue my way, I think I need to stop all of this starting. It isn’t worth the hard parts, and he’s right about something more important than I’ve let myself believe. I am not finishing anything.

That used to be something I was good at. It was something I was better at than all of my friends. I wrote three novels in two months, one of them well over 100,000 words. Never mind the greater or lesser details of any of them, I finished them. Before that, I wrote a novel in a month–even though I dropped it for at least a week.

I need to buckle down and edit the best of my novels, or write another one. I didn’t do NaNoWriMo 2011 because writing wasn’t what I wanted to do at the time. That’s fine. I realised it too late to just forego participating at all. It’s still fine.

But right now, I am writing, and I’m all over the place. I feel tired all the time, I’m getting sick, and I must be spending my energy on something. But I don’t see anything I can pin a sticker to. Something I can report on. I miss tracking my progress.

If I think about it as working in waves, I think I can accept it. Sometimes I want to patchwork, and that’s good. Sometimes I need to buckle down and produce something, and that’s good too.

Time to buckle down. I’ve got my characters and my title. I have my setting and most of my plot, which I can work on more while I mock up a cover. If I don’t start writing today, I start writing tomorrow.

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