Nightmares

I don’t think the time I post is always clear. It’s about 4:30, the wee hours of the morning, and I’m doing anything I can to stay awake.

About a hour ago (a bit less), I woke up after a nightmare that was so horrible that it made me cry. I also started worrying about that borderline schizophrenia stuff. Or whatever the NP called it. I’m too exhausted to remember.

I’d rather not record and therefore remember the details. I am neither worried that anyone will think I’m lying, nor in competition for the worst nightmare. It was the worst I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to recall it.

However, now I have the problem of not being able to sleep, but wanting to, compounded with falling asleep, but feeling too frightened to actually do it.

It’s a weird place to be. The worst ambivalence. I wish my sleep were not so complicated and problematic.

Maybe I’ll go ahead amd doze. When I get up, I’ll finish drawing Nurly.

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