Can one really “re-imagine” Twilight?

Full question: “Can one really ‘re-imagine’ Twilight with respect for the original work?

Personally, I think that the requirements for such an endeavour could be somewhat contradictory. You’d have to have that respect, but dislike it enough to want it changed. But it clearly needed the attention of an editor who did not adore filibuster, so maybe that’s all that’s needed.

It almost counts as old and mouldy enough to be written over again. (thinking of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) I know I’m bored at myself whenever I think of it. I’m such a dull person.

Anywho, I can also understand the appeal of rewriting. It’s successful, so there has to be something in there–but of course, that’s close to my reason. I have friends whom I respect for their taste and intelligence in addition to other fine qualities, and they like Twilight, either a little or a lot, in varying cases. There must be something to enjoy under the dreck that I perceive. I’d rather like to find it, even though it’s not even a relevant cultural phenomenon anymore.

Others see something irritatingly bad that is crying out to be repaired. I can see that too, but it’s so much less pretty a reason, haha.

I would love to get a red pen and a copy to mark up, make edits and attach my own rewrites. But for that, I’d need a hard copy. I don’t really want to buy one. And I still haven’t finished my last red pen book. (it’s also done in black pen and grey pencil).

Another problem is that I have my own list of ills, and quite a lot of them are in the beginning, which would be the place to start in a re-imagining.

  • I am a Phoenix native, and have spent a good chunk of my life in Oregon and Washington. All of the weather crap is clearly from the perspective of someone who has neither of these experiences to draw on. 75 degrees in Phoenix is considered COLD. I find it hard to believe that someone who has lived there for a number of years would find the seasonal drop from 120 to 75 as merely less warm.
  • Bella’s mother is described as looking just like Bella…before Bella is described.
  • The main character is wantonly hateful without provocation, often citing equally baseless embarrassment as justification.
  • The reason this girl has for moving house makes no sense at all. …You know, this one counts as a bullet point, but it’s such a big topic, I’m going to break the list to expand on it.

When I talked about angry parodies before, something I noticed about both of the fanfictions I mentioned is that although both had the object of improving the main character’s sense and mental capacity, neither actually questioned her reason for moving to Spatulas. I mean, Forks.

Think about it. A seventeen-year-old girl paints a tedious but rather passionate picture of hate for this town, a picture that she embellishes with unfounded hatred throughout the book. The reason given is not only weak, but it demands that readers believe in some kind of selflessness that this character is clearly not capable of.

For those lucky people who don’t know the stupid reason: Mother remarried to man with travel-required job. Daughter decided to move in with (cuckolded-ish) Father so that Mother may travel with New Husband.

There are only two explanations that really make this situation realistic.

One is that her mother, a scatterbrain who was selfish enough to leave her first husband just because she was bored with their home, is a manipulator who made her daughter believe that she had to remove herself so that her mother could be happy with her new husband.

The other is that this girl needs to create perceptions of unhappiness in her life because she is a perfectly normal moody teenager with nothing specific to accuse of causing her unhappiness.

Of course for my list, there is also the Mary-Sue nature of the main character, the stupid (and failed) allusion to Dracula in three boys asking the same girl TO A GIRL’S CHOICE DANCE, and the heartless romance based on psychotic dependence, emotional abuse, and purely physical attraction.

But that stuff about the weather is clearly far more irritating to me.

In order for me to write a re-imagined work with respect for the original, I would have to take my list of ills and remove those things that are simple annoyances, as well as redefining the serious issues with a mind towards editing rather than “fixing”.

As a literary exercise, I would really like to see someone take such a blank character and add flaws and depth without insertion of self. Apparently, once a Mary Sue, always a Mary Sue. Bella must have some kind of Jedi power. None shall cast off their ego whilst writing Bella Swan.

For some reason, I feel an evil laugh coming on.

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