Looking backwards a little

It’s funny, I thought I was only going to have to write one post explaining a bit of weirdness on this blog. Looks like I’ve got two.

First of all, I had a post go up last night, when I had meant to schedule it, and it also posted BLANK. So thank you for that, WordPress. This was the false start about Cassie. Flustered and incredibly irritated, I just put the text in and then updated the empty post. But then I reminded myself that I would need a post for today, and it had been meant to be a little cushion for me in case I didn’t get the time. So I rescheduled it and sighed myself off to bed. (nearly midnight at that point, I think)

Secondly, the dream that I just wrote about was apparently my 750th post! This is quite cool. I didn’t think about it until I got there, and then I got myself on the subject of that number and how much it came to mean to me, particularly in the beginning. It’s rather nice that I managed my 750th post on the day that I hope to break out of my problem with beginnings, and indeed middles and ends.

I was reminded yesterday through a chance glance at Twitter that Camp NaNoWriMo started this month. With three days lost, I wondered if I should bother trying to get into it. I certainly don’t feel like tracking my progress this time. But it got into my head like a bad idea, and stayed there until I got home. I wanted to do it. Really wanted to.

There was a lot of fussing and anxiety over what to write, how to begin, and I honestly don’t know how I conquered it. I think I found an image in my head that I wanted to write out–and then it went wrong. After almost 500 words, I hated what was happening.

Despair, I think started to creep in. But I did feel like I was getting somewhere with something. It had just gone wrong. I found a different beginning, started with the first image that came to mind, and it all went… I don’t know about right, but it went for about 2800 words. There’s more to come, I hope. If I just want to reach the normal 50K goal, I have to write about 1800 words a day to finish in time, but that’s less than what I was doing last time, and it’s not even 200 words more than the usual daily goal.

I’d really like for this to go well. I’m going to open up 750 Words and not leave it until I have chapter two done.

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