Beginning comparisons

Yesterday (or maybe the day before), I got started on the story I mentioned most recently. There was something clunky about it, and I got tired really fast, so I didn’t get too far with it. Then today I was reading Elizabeth Hoyt and listening to Paradise Lost (because I’m weird like that) and it made me want to write. I was mostly just amazed that I’d finally managed to find a romance novel that wasn’t off-putting in some way or another. I did have to laugh at the hero’s intelligent eyes and dangerous mouth, though. That’s just cartoony.

Anyway, I opened up what I had written and decided that it wasn’t right for whatever reason and so I moved it out of the document and started over. I still liked the first sentence and impetus for the beginning, so that’s the same. Unlike my other false starts, which have commonly changed genre completely.

Evna struggled with the urge to kick the pig. She stood on the narrow dirt path, gripping the handcart and wrinkling her nose. A mixed reaction to the pig ‘s inevitable smell and the delay it represented. Although she was slight for her eleven years, she felt it significant that this immense animal appeared to be five times her own girth.

This was the basic idea, but as I think anyone can see, I had too many run-on sentences and a muddled voice. I also rushed description on the viewpoint character, something that I am prone to do. So I tried again. I got a good deal more written (230 words as opposed to the above 60), so I’m only going to share a bit of it.

Evna struggled with an unladylike desire to kick a pig. In this situation, manners were the least of it. This particular pig would have likely broken her foot. Not even her sensible boots promised adequate protection.

She stood in the narrow dirt path, gripping her handcart and debating the wisest course of action. The sun had already risen to its zenith. Half the day gone, and now she was stuck staring down a great pink monster.

I think that Evna’s personality has stayed largely the same, but there’s much more going on now. It’s also less clunky (hopefully). I have an idea for what comes next, but I might just make a note of it and lie back down with my book again. I’ve been very fatigued today. But! I’m going to start myself on a goal of writing a minimum of 250 words a day from now on. I need to start small, I think.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Beginning comparisons

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s