Long sentences are a bad habit of mine. I have been told that I indulge in run-on sentences, and I worry about that occasionally. But it’s hard to write shorter ones sometimes. Some sentences can’t be broken into multiples, after all. It’d just be paring down. Throwing writing away.
But I oughtn’t make excuses. Rhythm is important, and I’m no GM Fraser. I cannot get away with a many-semicolonned first sentence spread over a page and a half. Nor have I quite tried.
Anyway, it really becomes a problem when delivering a complex idea, or when using cliché. Especially if the writer in question interrupts the cliché.
Emaline shot Melisande, who had been her very good friend since nearly the beginning of time, an exasperated look.
I had to laugh. This book is very in the middle for me, so I’ll probably finish it, but I can’t help snerking over things like this.
Seriously though, that really should have been two complete sentences. Spaced further apart, even. I don’t think Melisande had really been introduced yet, and this came after she’d been speaking with Emaline for a few paragraphs.
There’s also far too much shooting of looks in the rest of the narrative. What I wouldn’t give for a glare or a displeased frown. Although Hoyt might well have tried to load those into a facial pistol as well.
[written on my iPad, so not comfortable enough to write a longer entry.]