Or however I should put that to be grammatically correct.
The beginning is good, but then I kind of descended into this conversation that was the wrong tone for what I wanted, as well as dragging the action down to nothing happening at all. It’s not bad though, and it’s worth keeping this bit somewhere, as it establishes the characters and their relationship.
“You sound more crap than last week.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting full recollection. “Phil from accounting talked me into vodka shots.”
On the other end, she heard Decker snort. “I told you to stick to champagne cocktails.”
“That wouldn’t have gone with my outfit.”
“Does that mean you went out skanked to the nines?”
Harley let out a snort of her own, then collapsed onto her bed. The motion jarred her head, and she moaned. “Ow. Don’t make me laugh, it might make you a murderer.”
“That’d be homicide, baby doll. Murder is planned.”
To go along with all of his other attractive flaws, Decker Bannon studied law. As a hobby. Harley raked her fingers through her hair, quickly giving up when they got stuck three times. “Knowing you, there would be an itinerary.”
He chuckled. The sound was slightly muffled. “Some people strive for the perfect party. Least I can do is commit the perfect crime.”
“On a Tuesday?”
“D’you think Thursday would be better?”
She curled up round the mobile and a pillow. After a quick sniff, she tossed the pillow away. It didn’t smell of vomit, but it was stale enough to prompt the rise of a tiny wave of bile.
They still don’t sound quite right, either. I was thinking stuff a little grittier and unhappy. Possibly younger. There are a lot of other characters though, and they are certainly less pleasant than this. We shall see.