If it doesn’t have a tail, it’s not a monkey

I was just thinking that I need to get some Veggie Tales DVDs for Owen. That song is stuck in my head, but I can’t remember which DVD it’s actually on. There’s always Youtube, but it’s not quite the same thing. Especially on a road trip when even 4G won’t cut it. Portable DVD players can often be the only (or at least the most reliable) solution in such a case.

There are some things we have that replace or are better than Veggie Tales, but still. We have Paddington Bear, Teddy Ruxpin, and a good run of old Disney cartoon series. Given that we talk more than we use the television (and don’t do cable or regular broadcast at all), it’s probably not surprising that the biggest chunk of our movie collection is, “That’s on Netflix, right?”

As for more substantial stuff.. So far, we have a very nice Pack ‘n Play, a swing, and bouncer. All of them play music. I’m not sure now how intentional that was. I’m rather against toys that make sounds, partially because of batteries–and by extension, the demonic twist that takes the sounds when the batteries get low.

Funny story there, or rather, two of them.

My niece has a baby doll that laughs. Its arms are raised, as though in cheer or a plea to be picked up. If, while it is laughing, one tries to bend the arms down to its sides (from the shoulder, the elbows are rigid plastic), the laugh turns into a deep, evil chortle. This is hilarious in recall. Less so when you are currently listening to it.

Her old bouncer (she is too big for it now) had a red button, I think on the little mirror, that would say, “Peek-a-boo, I see you!” To my mind, this is already creepy. But when the batteries started to die, the high-pitched happy voice deepened and lengthened, so that it came out, “Peek…a….booooo… I SEE YOOOOU.”

I have to say right now, though. If someone gives him a phrase-spouting toy, that thing will go back to the store or in the bin. Just. No. We’re a movie-quoting house already, I don’t know if I can take exact repetition from a tinny voicebox.

We also have a bunch of bibs and a couple of bottles. When we bought this stuff, the things that saw the most deliberation were the pacifiers. I was offended by the sexist nature of the ones with designs (seriously, blue with sports and pink with butterflies?), and didn’t really like the boring ones. We ended up getting a pack of three boring ones because the mamones were a better shape than the others. And there were three.

I saw one that had a little handlebar moustache on it. If it had found some way to imitate Panayot Hitov, I would have felt strongly compelled to buy it.

…the worst of the sexism was that there were pink pacifiers that said, “Mommy loves me” and blue ones that said, “Daddy loves me.” Because mums only love their daughters and fathers only love their sons. >:\ I know one could easily just buy both, never mind one’s child’s gender, but the implication is pretty clear.

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