With my health, it’s pretty easy to just start worrying simply because something has changed. I gained weight, I lost weight, suddenly I hate raw onions, my feet are not swelling. Stuff like that.
Lately, I’ve been wondering if I should worry because Owen is moving differently than he was only a few days ago. He would kick me fairly frequently (sometimes a bit hard) and at certain times of the day, as if it was his day job or something. Now he seems to be doing less kicking and more rolling around. I feel less jostled than I do pressed upon.
Other times, it feels like he’s swapped frequent movement for stronger movement. But I worry about him moving less and wonder if thinking on it as much as I am, and the way that I am, if I should be concerned. I do have a tendency to rationalise, even when I don’t mean to, and I don’t want anything to be wrong.
I’ve got another appointment on Tuesday. After that, I think I’m going to have them more frequently–every two weeks instead of every four. According to the app on my phone, there are 85 days to my due date. My rheumatologist has suggested less, but I won’t form my own feelings on that until I’ve talked to the OB.
It’s funny, eighty-five looks like such a small number. It’s grammatically low enough to be written as a word, after all. Separated into months, it’s less than three. But three months feels like forever. Some days I want to hurry up, others I think I need more time. Some days I am so ready to be done.
In other life news, I have an idea for a YA story that still needs some banging on. As many failed attempts as I’ve racked up trying to beat this fog, I can hardly give up. I’ll just have to shoulder the knowing looks I imagine I get every time I announce another attempt that may well end up failed.
The biggest issue with it at this point is point of view. Who the viewpoint character is has already been determined, I just need to decide on first or third person. The problem I have is that I’ve read so many stinkers in the past few months that I immediately zero in on the negative aspects and pitfalls of each choice.