Coping

Still not ready to quite get back into my life. It feels wrong to be at home, doing some of the same things I did before Owen was born. Especially since there’s not really a lot of reason to deviate spectacularly from the routine I had right up to that crazy morning. I still have to walk around the flat for ten or fifteen minutes a day, drink lots of water, and do my finger exercises to keep the arthritis at bay. There’s no reason not to resume my Esperanto studies, no reason not to keep reading, playing Freerice, or working on Desiderata.

HabitRPG still helps me keep track of this stuff, although it utterly failed to go into stasis the way it was bloody effing supposed to when I went into labour. I’m still kind of super flipping pissed off about that. Dither went to the trouble of using the “Inn” option to stop it from demanding I keep track of my routine while in hospital. And the site just utterly failed to accommodate. I had to feel awful over the “You died” message, when I had thought I’d taken care of things, and then go about using the restore options peppered throughout the system. None of them should exist as none of them should be necessary.

So I can still get mad. One of the reasons this makes me upset is that it puts into flush relief how bad I feel about life at home looking so peccantly the same.

The only real “additions” to routine at home are the regular times I have to break out the breast pump (giggle or go ‘ew’ here), care for my stitches (I have a lot of them, thanks to a “perfectly normal first-time mother tear”), and put my feet up so that the swelling will go down. It usually doesn’t. And I get to go see Owen twice a day.

I did get to see Owen this morning. He’s back in an open crib, his phototherapy was effective and is now complete. There is an IV in his head because the one in his hand went bad (not as scary as it might sound, mine went bad while in hospital too). He eats well sometimes, this morning he was too sleepy. I don’t think he’ll be home before the 26th. I made hubby laugh today because I said that Owen’s leftovers go up his nose. (whatever he doesn’t eat goes in the feeding tube)

He was wearing cute little monkey rompers today, provided by the NICU. We got pictures with my phone, maybe I’ll find an opportunity to post one or two later today or tomorrow.

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