BLAH (Vivane Reviews)

This is has been such a long day. It sucks to be an adult, let me tell you. So… I’m going to rewrite two of my book reviews in the voice of Vivane, from that thing I did once. She’s basically a bundle of cursing, so skip this if foul language really bothers you.

Seriously. Lots and lots of swears.

homerunhero

homerunhero reviews Aunt Maria by Diana Wynne Jones

HEY GUYS
I JUST READ THIS
FUCKING THREE TIMES

DAMMIT I LOVE THIS BOOK
WHICH KINDA SUCKS CUZ NOW I CAN’T SAY I HATE AUNT MARIA
FUCKING AMERICAN TITLE ANYWAY

ANYWAY SO EVEN THOUGH THE BOOK IS AWESOME
THIS MARIA BITCH IS WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH
LIKE ALL THE DAMN TIME
AND SHE DOESN’T EVEN DIE AT THE END I MEAN
A;SDLJLASDFUHOWEIJF;LA
WHY WOULD YOU NOT KILL THE BITCH?

IT IS A FANTASY NOVEL
FOR THE CHILDREN
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT KIDS ARE BLOODTHIRSTY
YOU KILL THE BITCH AT THE END
AND THE MUNCHKINS SING DING DONG
AND SHIT

SO YEAH
BROTHERS TURNING INTO DOGS
WOMEN USING THE AWESOME POWER OF NAG
MAIN CHARACTER GIRL WRITING COOL SHIT DOWN
MASS HYSTERIA
GREAT BOOK

BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
IF THEY HAD JUST KILLED MARIA
SHIT

homerunhero

homerunhero reviews Better Part of Darkness by Kelly Gay

HOLY SHIT THIS SHIT IS BAD
I WRITE BETTER THAN THIS
WHICH IS REALLY PUTTING ON THE HURT

YOU KNOW WHAT
I HAVE LIKE
ONE THING TO REALLY SAY ABOUT THIS
CRAPPY CRAPPY CRAPSACK BOOK

AND THAT IS

omg1

omg2

omg3

IF THIS HAD BEEN THE TITLE
THIS BOOK WOULD HAVE BEEN WORTH
A SHIT

INSTEAD
NOT A FUCK WAS GIVEN
DAMN

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