Listening to: Carnival of the Animals: Aquarium

I feel so ambivalent. On the one hand–I have a plot! Or at least most of one. Seriously, I came into this with two characters, a premise, and a joke. Now they have problems, desires, sex drives, and a preference for Jeff Buckley over Leonard Cohen (yes, I know).

One of the main characters got a name change. I was never really sold on the first name I picked, and then when he was introduced, I thought he was his brother, so I used a different name. There has been so much revision to make the original smatter into an actual chapter that it’s not really surprising. Make the brother not the brother. Add in attraction where appropriate. Note the viewpoint character’s mood changes, figure out if they are OOC or off-key. (they’re not)

And just now I realise that I have only talked about this story in vague terms, even on my blog. It’s an M/M shifter romance, something that I have wanted to write for ages. The heroes’ names are Gideon and Itamar. Gideon had the first chapter, and aside from dropping plots back and forth, I know most of what I need to know about him. He has a complicated past and present, and he is a bit of a mess. Snarky, cynical, generous, and vulnerable.

Itamar… not so much. I knew things around him. His culture, his family situation, his finances, his dating history. The most personal thing I knew about him was thanks to Gideon–Itamar is leery of violence. So I sat down and made a list of their personal problems. Then I made a list of possible internal conflicts. I needed something to spark my brain and get my thoughts running.

Here’s the part that has me feeling ambivalent. I had a lot of ideas. I wrote down some that worked, some that really didn’t (even if they were closer to my original idea). But I had no way to talk about it out loud. I need a sounding board, even now, when I have things fairly concrete.

Itamar’s life is an open book. He grew up and still lives in a town that has less than 400 people. He’s kind, personable, charming, and the slickest liar ever to smooth over an argument. He’s selfish and hedonistic. While both he and Gideon are shifters, they are different kinds, and Itamar is the one who has had to deal with clan politics the most.

My ideas are still in a tangle, but I think blogging about this has helped. Now I really need to go to bed. ^^;; Maybe I can untangle some more in the morning. Write a bit and finally finish reading Auntie Mame.


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